Taming the Tongue

Posted by expedition44 on May 15, 2026

This is a followup article to my good friend Paul’s at Cross and Cornerstone…

Great article! READ HERE: Taming the Tongue

Words That Build Kingdoms or Burn Them Down

Few things have fractured churches, damaged families, divided friendships, and undermined kingdom community more profoundly than the misuse of words. Entire relationships can be unraveled by a sentence. Trust built over years may collapse through gossip whispered in moments. Communities formed in covenant can suddenly become strained under the subtle poison of criticism, slander, accusation, or careless speech. Scripture consistently presents the tongue not as a secondary issue of spiritual maturity but as a central diagnostic of discipleship itself. The biblical witness repeatedly suggests that what exits the mouth often reveals realities deeply embedded within the heart.

We live in an age saturated with speech. Through social media, podcasts, texting, digital communities, and twenty-four-hour outrage cycles, humanity speaks more than any generation in history. Yet increased communication has not necessarily produced increased wisdom. If anything, the digital age has amplified what the apostle James warned against nearly two thousand years ago: the destructive power of an untamed tongue. Many believers have learned how to articulate theological positions, defend doctrinal tribes, and speak confidently about spiritual matters while simultaneously neglecting the deeper kingdom ethic of speech rooted in humility, gentleness, covenant faithfulness, and wisdom from above.

For the biblical writers, speech was never merely descriptive. Words were formative and relational not transactional. They shaped reality, cultivated covenant, reinforced identity, and carried spiritual consequence. This reality becomes even more striking when viewed through an Ancient Near Eastern and Hebraic lens. Within the world of the Hebrew Bible, speech was not considered cheap, casual, or disposable. Words possessed power because they flowed from the character and intentions of the speaker. A promise spoken established covenant. A blessing spoken carried generational implications. A curse uttered represented rupture and judgment. Speech was deeply connected to moral responsibility and communal flourishing.¹

This framework helps us understand why James devotes such serious attention to the tongue. James 3 is not simply moral advice about avoiding profanity or trying harder to “be nice.” Rather, James draws deeply from Jewish wisdom traditions, Proverbs, covenant ethics, and the teachings of Jesus to articulate something far more profound: the tongue functions as a spiritual barometer of kingdom maturity. One may profess theological orthodoxy, participate in worship gatherings, or possess extensive biblical knowledge, yet an untamed mouth exposes a heart still undergoing formation. James therefore confronts believers with uncomfortable honesty: maturity is inseparable from speech.

Speech in the Ancient Near Eastern Imagination

To appreciate the gravity of James’s warning, we must first understand the ancient worldview surrounding speech. In many Ancient Near Eastern cultures, spoken words were perceived as powerful extensions of authority and identity. While Israel’s worldview remained distinct from surrounding nations, the broader cultural context nevertheless recognized language as carrying performative force. Kings issued decrees that established legal realities. Priests invoked blessings believed to mediate divine favor. Oaths created binding obligations, and public declarations could reshape communal standing.²

The Hebrew Scriptures amplify this understanding through the doctrine of creation itself. The opening chapter of Genesis repeatedly emphasizes that God creates through speech: “And God said…” (Gen 1:3). Creation emerges not through violence, chaos, or divine combat—as was common in neighboring ANE myths—but through ordered, intentional divine utterance. God speaks, and reality responds. Walter Brueggemann notes that in Israel’s imagination, Yahweh’s speech is never empty rhetoric but effective action that creates and sustains covenantal order.³ Words, therefore, participate in the movement from chaos to flourishing.

This theological backdrop matters profoundly. Humanity, created in the imago Dei, reflects the Creator’s nature. If God creates through speech, human beings likewise participate in either creative or destructive realities through their own words. Speech can cultivate peace or sow chaos. It can encourage covenant faithfulness or fracture communal trust. Proverbs recognizes this tension repeatedly: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Prov 18:21). Such language is not poetic exaggeration. It reflects a worldview in which speech possesses formative force.

Hebrew itself reveals the interconnectedness of speech and action. The Hebrew word dābār (דָּבָר) may be translated as “word,” “matter,” “thing,” or “event.”⁴ Unlike modern Western distinctions separating speech from action, biblical Hebrew often understands spoken words as events that produce consequence. What is spoken enters reality.

A careless word does not simply disappear into abstraction. It enters relationships, communities, and spiritual environments carrying tangible effects.

This perspective should already challenge modern assumptions. Contemporary culture often minimizes speech under the banner of emotional reaction or personal authenticity: I was angry. I was venting. I was simply being honest. Yet biblical theology repeatedly frames speech as moral responsibility. Honesty devoid of wisdom becomes brutality. Truth without gentleness becomes violence. Correction absent humility often deteriorates into self-righteousness. James inherits this Hebraic imagination. He understands speech not as incidental but central to covenant living. The tongue, though physically small, possesses disproportionate influence because it reveals and shapes spiritual reality simultaneously.

Lashon Hara: Evil Speech and Covenant Breakdown

Perhaps one of the most illuminating Jewish concepts for understanding James 3 is the Hebrew phrase lashon hara (לָשׁוֹן הָרַע), literally meaning “evil tongue” or “evil speech.” While the precise phrase emerges later within rabbinic tradition, its theological foundations are deeply rooted in Scripture.⁵ At its core, lashon hara refers to speech that harms another person—even when the information spoken may technically be true. This distinction is vital. Biblical ethics does not merely condemn falsehood; it also challenges destructive truth-telling detached from love, restoration, or covenant responsibility. One may speak factual words and still participate in sin if those words unnecessarily shame, divide, humiliate, or fracture relationships. The issue is not only factual accuracy but covenantal purpose. The story of Miriam in Numbers 12 offers a striking example. Miriam and Aaron criticize Moses, ostensibly raising concerns about leadership and marriage. Yet Yahweh interprets their speech as rebellion against covenant order. Miriam is subsequently struck with leprosy, signaling the seriousness of destructive speech within the covenant community.⁶ Jewish interpreters later understood this narrative as foundational to teachings regarding slander, gossip, and careless criticism. Similarly, Psalm 34 exhorts believers: “Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit” (Ps 34:13). Proverbs consistently warns against gossip (nirgan), slander, quarrelsome speech, and reckless words that pierce “like a sword” (Prov 12:18). Wisdom literature understands language as either healing balm or corrosive poison.

Importantly, biblical warnings concerning speech frequently emerge within covenant settings. The greatest damage rarely comes from enemies outside the community but from harmful speech among brothers and sisters walking together. Communities built upon trust are uniquely vulnerable to the wounds of words. Churches fracture. Friendships dissolve. Ministry teams splinter. Entire spiritual environments become shaped by cynicism, suspicion, or unresolved offense. James recognizes this danger. He writes not to pagan outsiders but to believers scattered among the nations. His concern centers upon the moral integrity of kingdom communities struggling to embody the ethics of Jesus in a fractured world.

James 3 and the Jewish Wisdom Tradition

James’s treatment of the tongue reaches its theological climax in James 3:1–12, a passage deeply saturated with Hebraic wisdom categories. Far too often, modern readers approach James as though he were merely offering practical self-help advice for Christian living. Yet James reads far more like Israel’s wisdom literature than contemporary moral instruction. Scholars frequently describe the epistle as “New Testament Proverbs” because of its emphasis upon embodied righteousness, covenant integrity, and ethical maturity.⁷ James is not interested in abstract theology detached from daily practice. Faithfulness must become visible.

He begins with a sobering warning directed toward teachers: “Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, because you know that we will receive a stricter judgment” (Jas 3:1). This opening is hardly accidental. Teachers operate primarily through speech. They shape imaginations, frame theological realities, influence discipleship, and direct communities. Consequently, the misuse of words becomes especially dangerous when carried by positions of spiritual authority. Craig Blomberg observes that James recognizes how destructive speech often increases proportionally with influence.⁸ Leadership magnifies consequences.

This warning should strike contemporary ministry culture with unusual force. Churches often emphasize charisma, gifted communication, or platform influence while neglecting deeper questions regarding speech ethics. One may preach eloquently while simultaneously damaging people through sarcasm, divisiveness, unnecessary criticism, or relational manipulation. James refuses to separate giftedness from character. The mature teacher is recognizable not simply by doctrinal precision but by disciplined speech rooted in wisdom.

James continues: “If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is mature” (Jas 3:2). The Greek term teleios (τέλειος) carries the idea of completeness, maturity, or wholeness rather than sinless perfection.⁹ James’s argument is striking: spiritual maturity becomes visible through the disciplining of speech. One cannot meaningfully claim formation into the image of Christ while consistently leaving relational destruction in the wake of one’s words. The apostle then unfolds a series of vivid metaphors. First comes the horse’s bit. Though small, it directs an animal of immense strength (Jas 3:3). Then comes the ship’s rudder, tiny in comparison to the vessel yet decisive in direction (3:4). James’s logic becomes unmistakable: small things often govern large outcomes. The tongue may seem insignificant, yet it steers relationships, ministries, reputations, marriages, churches, and communities. Perhaps his strongest imagery arrives in verse 5: “How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!” James compares the tongue to wildfire, capable of devastating destruction disproportionate to its size. Anyone who has watched division spread through a congregation understands precisely what James means. A whispered accusation. A careless comment after church. A cynical text thread. A private offense left unchecked. Before long, suspicion spreads like fire through dry brush.

Within an Ancient Near Eastern context, fire imagery carried particular emotional weight. Wildfires threatened crops, livelihoods, and survival itself. Fire symbolized devastation beyond human control. James therefore does not exaggerate. Speech untethered from wisdom becomes spiritually combustible. He intensifies the metaphor further, describing the tongue as “set on fire by Gehenna” (Jas 3:6). Gehenna (γέεννα) evokes the Valley of Hinnom outside Jerusalem, associated with judgment, corruption, and idolatrous rebellion.¹⁰ James’s point is profoundly unsettling: destructive speech may become aligned not with the kingdom of God but with forces opposed to divine flourishing. Words participate in spiritual realities. This helps explain why Scripture speaks so seriously about gossip, slander, and divisive language. Such behavior is not merely personality conflict. It reflects deeper spiritual formation—or deformity. Speech either aligns with the kingdom of heaven or with the chaos opposed to it.

James then introduces one of the most convicting contradictions in all of Scripture: “With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in God’s likeness” (Jas 3:9). Here the covenant problem emerges fully. Humanity bears the divine image (imago Dei).

To curse another image-bearer while worshiping God exposes spiritual incoherence. Worship disconnected from relational integrity becomes hypocrisy.

The Greek term James uses for “curse,” katara (κατάρα), evokes condemnation, denunciation, and destructive speech.¹¹ James is not speaking merely of profanity but of language that tears down, humiliates, or spiritually diminishes another person. This includes gossip masked as concern, theological arrogance disguised as conviction, and criticism baptized as discernment. How often do churches unknowingly sanctify this behavior? Believers sometimes share damaging information under the pretense of prayer. Others justify harshness in the name of “speaking truth.” Yet kingdom truth divorced from kingdom love quickly ceases to resemble Jesus.

James concludes his argument with an image rooted in creation itself: a spring cannot simultaneously produce fresh and bitter water, nor can a fig tree bear olives (Jas 3:11–12). Nature reveals consistency. Fruit corresponds to root. Speech, therefore, functions diagnostically. The mouth reveals what the heart contains. Jesus Himself teaches precisely this principle: “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt 12:34). Speech is rarely accidental. Under pressure, fatigue, frustration, disappointment, or conflict, the tongue often reveals hidden interior realities we would otherwise prefer to conceal.¹² This does not mean believers never fail in speech. James himself acknowledges universal stumbling. Rather, maturity involves repentance, submission, and increasing awareness that sanctification includes language. Following Jesus requires discipleship of the mouth.

Jesus and the Ethics of Kingdom Speech

Jesus consistently frames speech as revelatory. In Luke 6:45 He declares, “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good… for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Here speech becomes diagnostic rather than merely behavioral. The problem is not simply loose words but disordered affections. This perspective prevents superficial moralism. Taming the tongue cannot be reduced to behavior modification. One may temporarily restrain words externally while internally cultivating bitterness, envy, resentment, or pride. Eventually, what remains hidden emerges through speech. Jesus therefore addresses roots rather than symptoms.

The Sermon on the Mount intensifies this ethic. Jesus warns against contemptuous speech, equating verbal hostility with deeper heart-level violence (Matt 5:21–22). Kingdom righteousness concerns not only physical action but interior posture. Discipleship transforms speech because discipleship transforms desire. In a culture of outrage, instant reaction, and digital confrontation, Jesus’s words feel especially countercultural. Social media has created unprecedented opportunities for what Scripture consistently warns against: impulsive criticism, public humiliation, tribal hostility, and self-righteous performance. The digital world often rewards sharpness rather than wisdom, reaction rather than discernment, certainty rather than humility. Yet the disciple of Jesus is called into a different imagination.

Paul exhorts believers in Ephesus: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up” (Eph 4:29). The Greek term translated “corrupting” (sapros) refers to rotten or decaying matter.¹³ Speech may either nourish communal life or introduce decay. Words matter because communities are formed through language.

Kingdom Speech in an Age of Division

Perhaps one of the greatest spiritual challenges facing the modern church is not theological illiteracy but undisciplined speech. We inhabit a moment where outrage masquerades as conviction, harshness is rewarded as courage, and public criticism often receives greater affirmation than quiet faithfulness. Entire ministries have become platforms of perpetual reaction. Communities fracture not always because of major doctrinal failures but because careless words slowly erode trust. The church has not remained immune to this reality. Gossip often hides beneath the language of concern. Slander becomes baptized under the guise of discernment. “I’m just being honest” has become a convenient justification for words never filtered through wisdom, gentleness, or covenant loyalty. Yet honesty absent love frequently becomes brutality, and conviction detached from humility often deteriorates into spiritual arrogance.

This is where the Jewish notion of lashon hara remains remarkably relevant. Evil speech is not simply malicious lying; it includes words that unnecessarily damage another image-bearer, fracture covenant trust, or cultivate division within community. The issue is not merely whether something is factually true, but whether it is spiritually fruitful. Scripture repeatedly presses believers to ask deeper questions: Does this build up? Does this restore? Does this move toward healing? Does this reflect the character of Christ?

To be clear, biblical wisdom does not demand silence in the face of sin, injustice, or necessary correction. Jesus confronted hypocrisy. Paul rebuked error. The prophets spoke boldly against corruption. Yet kingdom correction always differs from fleshly reaction. The goal remains restoration rather than humiliation, healing rather than destruction, reconciliation rather than self-vindication. Even truth can become weaponized when wielded without love.

This distinction matters profoundly in covenant communities. Families, friendships, churches, ministry teams, and discipleship circles all depend upon trust. Once speech becomes corrosive, communities slowly become shaped by suspicion, fear, and fragmentation. A single critical voice can influence entire environments. One divisive conversation can redirect relational dynamics for months or years. James understood this reality well. Small fires spread quickly. It is relatively easy to worship together, serve together, or study Scripture together during seasons of encouragement. The deeper test of discipleship emerges when disappointment enters the room, when misunderstandings occur, when leadership feels imperfect, or when relational friction surfaces. What exits our mouths in those moments reveals much about the condition of our hearts.

The mature disciple learns that spiritual formation includes restraint. Proverbs repeatedly associates wisdom with slowness of speech: “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent” (Prov 10:19).¹⁴ Silence, at times, becomes spiritual maturity. Not every offense requires response. Not every opinion requires articulation. Not every irritation deserves audience. Likewise, kingdom speech involves intentional encouragement. The New Testament repeatedly frames language positively rather than merely prohibitively. Believers are called to “encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Thess 5:11). The Greek term parakaleō (παρακαλέω) carries ideas of exhortation, comfort, strengthening, and coming alongside.¹⁵ Kingdom speech strengthens weary souls. It restores dignity. It calls out identity. It reminds people who they are in Christ.

One of the tragedies of modern discipleship is how easily criticism multiplies while encouragement remains scarce. We often assume people know they are valued. We presume gratitude is obvious. Yet Scripture continually models blessing as spoken reality. Fathers blessed children. Leaders blessed communities. Jesus blessed disciples. Paul regularly opened letters with affirmation before correction. Kingdom speech names grace before addressing failure. In many ways, the tongue becomes one of the clearest indicators of sanctification. Spiritual maturity is not merely doctrinal precision, charismatic gifting, or ministry effectiveness. According to James, maturity reveals itself through disciplined words flowing from transformed hearts. A believer may possess impressive biblical knowledge and yet remain profoundly immature if speech consistently produces division, cynicism, or destruction.

Conclusion

Perhaps James understood something we desperately need to recover in our generation: the battle of the tongue is never merely about behavior modification. This is not simply about trying harder, being nicer, or learning to avoid saying things we later regret. The deeper issue is discipleship. The tongue reveals allegiance. It exposes formation. It often uncovers what kingdom our hearts are quietly trusting when pressure rises. Scripture consistently presents the mouth as far more than a communication tool. Our words become instruments of agreement. They reveal what we are partnering with internally long before anything manifests externally. Proverbs reminds us that “death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Prov 18:21). Notice, Scripture does not suggest that the tongue itself possesses magical power, as though Christians merely need better motivational slogans or positive confession techniques. Rather, the biblical vision is deeper and more covenantal. Words carry influence because they reveal where trust, fear, hope, and allegiance reside.

This is why Genesis begins with divine speech: “And God said…” Yahweh speaks order into chaos. Creation itself emerges through intentional, life-giving word. Humanity, bearing the divine image, likewise participates in either building or breaking through speech. Our words create atmospheres. They shape relationships. They reinforce faith or deepen fear. They strengthen covenant or slowly erode trust. Jesus understood this clearly when He said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt 12:34). Eventually what fills the heart finds expression through the lips. Fear eventually talks. Cynicism eventually talks. Unforgiveness eventually talks. Bitterness talks. Anxiety talks. But so do hope, peace, trust, faith, gentleness, and encouragement. Our mouths often reveal realities within us that we ourselves have not yet fully acknowledged.

This is why the enemy so often works at the level of exhaustion, disappointment, discouragement, and offense. Spiritually tired people frequently begin speaking beneath their identity. (Hurt people, hurt people.) We start narrating our lives through fear rather than promise, frustration rather than faithfulness, accusation rather than grace. We rehearse despair until it feels normal. We repeatedly speak hopelessness until it becomes expectation. Israel’s wilderness journey offers a sobering picture. Their downfall was not merely the existence of giants in the land but their persistent verbal partnership with fear and unbelief. Murmuring in Scripture is rarely portrayed as innocent frustration. It often reflects a deeper distrust in God’s provision, leadership, or character. The wilderness became as much a battle of speech as a battle of circumstances. The same dynamic exists for us today. The enemy rarely begins by changing behavior; he often begins by shaping agreement. Eden itself reminds us of this reality. “Did God really say…?” The first fracture began with distorted trust in God’s word, and shortly thereafter human speech itself changed. Before the fall there was confidence, openness, authority, and relational alignment. After the fall came blame, fear, hiding, and distortion. Speech revealed the fracture before anything else.

This is why spiritual maturity is deeply connected to governing the tongue. Not because God desires robotic disciples who never wrestle honestly, lament deeply, or feel emotion. Scripture gives us Psalms of grief, confusion, and even holy protest. Yet biblical lament always moves honestly toward God rather than away from Him. David models this repeatedly. Betrayed, exhausted, hunted, and discouraged, he nevertheless declares, “I will bless the Lord at all times” (Ps 34:1). That was not denial. It was trust. It was spiritual resistance against allowing pain to become the loudest narrator in his life. The warfare of the mouth is ultimately the warfare of agreement. Every day we are invited to consider: What story will shape our speech? Will our mouths continually reinforce fear, accusation, offense, and hopelessness? Or will they increasingly come into alignment with the character, promises, and goodness of God?

This does not mean pretending circumstances are easy. It does not mean suppressing grief or avoiding honest struggle. Rather, it means refusing to let pain write our theology. It means learning, slowly and imperfectly, to speak in ways that reflect trust even when life feels uncertain. Because eventually our words reveal something profound: the kingdom we truly believe carries the highest authority. May we become people whose mouths increasingly release blessing instead of bitterness, healing instead of harm, courage instead of fear, and hope instead of despair. May our speech reflect the way of Jesus, and may our covenant communities become marked by words that strengthen, restore, and call one another deeper into the life of the kingdom.

Notes

John H. Walton, Ancient Near Eastern Thought and the Old Testament (Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2018), 87
Victor H. Matthews and Don C. Benjamin, Social World of Ancient Israel (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson, 1993), 44
Walter Brueggemann, Theology of the Old Testament (Minneapolis: Fortress, 1997), 122
Willem A. VanGemeren, ed., New International Dictionary of Old Testament Theology and Exegesis, vol. 1 (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1997), 907
Joseph Telushkin, Words That Hurt, Words That Heal (New York: William Morrow, 1996), 43
Dennis T. Olson, Numbers (Louisville: Westminster John Knox, 1996), 75
Scot McKnight, The Letter of James, NICNT (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2011), 31
Craig L. Blomberg and Mariam J. Kamell, James, ZECNT (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2008), 153
Douglas J. Moo, The Letter of James, PNTC (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2000), 148
Craig S. Keener, The IVP Bible Background Commentary: New Testament (Downers Grove, IL: IVP, 2014), 721
Ceslas Spicq, Theological Lexicon of the New Testament, vol. 2 (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson, 1994), 270
Darrell L. Bock, Luke 1:1–9:50, BECNT (Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 1994), 648
Peter T. O’Brien, The Letter to the Ephesians (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1999), 345
Tremper Longman III, Proverbs (Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2006), 241
Ben Witherington III, New Testament Theology and Ethics (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic, 2011), 553

time – treasure – talent – testimony

Posted by expedition44 on May 22, 2025

SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION:

What does it look like to give all of yourself to Jesus?

Hebrews 13:5 – Let your way of life be free from the love of money, being content with what you have, for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you.”

DISCUSSION QUESTION: How much do you give to the Lord?

In the classic Old Testament Hebraic mindset the answer should be, “all that you have been given.” In other words, everything is the Lord’s and should be given back to Him. You have simply been entrusted to the “assets” of the kingdom for a short time. This is the circular dance of grace. (Patronage and Reciprocity: The Context of Grace in the New Testament by David A. DeSilva)

DISCUSSION QUESTION: If anyone from the group understands the dance of grace based on patronage please explain it to your group. This can be found in my book “This is the way to covenant community” on Page 161.

In our western thinking this is likely where we get the original audience’s interpretation of Biblical giving wrong… thinking that God just requires a tithe (confused with OT passages), or that there are no strings attached to Grace.

Grace is free but it also might have some strings attached. To be clear, Grace is totally free, but if you’re going to follow the Lord then you should follow the Lord with all that you are and have been given and freely give back all that you are and have been endowed with- which to some sounds like attached strings.

To most Americans the idea that God wants everything doesn’t sit very well. What would alter calls sound like if we told people the whole story before we asked them to put their hand up! It even becomes more uncomfortable as Christian Americans when you ask somebody if they love money. Nearly every American does. Christian Americans are in a little bit of a wrestling match because they want to proclaim that they don’t love money; yet the giant mortgages, lifelong debt, and working around the clock every week say otherwise. It sure looks like we all love money, and that’s actually the implication of I Timothy 6:10.

The word “love of money” is philarguros, literally, “a friend of silver.” This is a Greek verb that was used in the scriptural context to describe brothers and sisters of one body (which we like to call the church in present day language -that’s up for argument though.) Today, it would seem that money is root of more church problems and family dynamics than anything else I can think of. That’s why TOV doesn’t want much to do with it. It didn’t seem like Jesus wanted much to do with money and His version of first century “church” didn’t either. Have you ever considered the idea that Judas was the money keeper and the one-time Jesus was asked to pay for something it didn’t come from that bag, but from coins out of a fish his Father provided? What could that imply? Jesus didn’t own a church building but occasionally visited the temple which He does refer to as His father’s house.

Essentially the Hebraic way of living is that your complete life is a gift. This gift is a reciprocal dance mirroring what God has given you. Total humility, complete giving back of what you have been given, and utter devotion to your Father.

In the hands of the follower of the Way, contentment is a sign of trust in the grace and mercy of God. From the biblical point of view, the only reason a man or woman can entertain contentment is because God is good. His provision is sufficient. Greed leads away from Him and towards the love of things of the world separating us from the Love of Christ.

Is the love of money or money itself the root of evil? I don’t really think it matters… what matters is that God wants all of us to mirror all of what God has given us. And from the biblical authors mindset money had very little to do with any of that kind of thinking. It is the posture of the heart.

DISCUSSION QUESTION: How does God view your money? Does He even want it? Is the Money the World’s? But don’t we need money? Is it a “necessary evil?” of the world? How does it belong in a Jesus kingdom?

DISCUSSION QUESTION: We often say, TOV isn’t looking for a tithe. Discuss why a more Biblical perspective isn’t centered around “money or serving” but on deeper devotion of your “whole” person.

TOV ACTION NEEDS FOR YOUR DISCUSSION:

BECOME A MONTHLY “PATRON” PARTNER – Discuss how this mindset is different than a tithe

Sometimes we don’t give much to the donation boxes and it is hard to bless people when need arises. We want to bless generously. Consider gifting monthly so that we can buy people groceries, feed the hungry & homeless, and take a financial strain off a family for a season. There aren’t any tov salaries, mortgage payments or utilities to pay… all of your giving goes right to an ACTS 2 need. Together we can make a better kingdom investment. Right now We want to buy a car for another anonymous family and need $2500 that we don’t have.
We need car donations; we have a mechanic that will fix things. And we can give away these cars or sell them on the marketplace. If you know of someone selling a car ask them to donate it.

Giving: You don’t need to “make time or space” for God if all of your time, treasure and talents (sacred space) are His. In the same regard, you don’t need to consider giving a percentage of your financial resources if you are of the mindset that it is all His and you are merely the Spirit led steward of it.

Some have chosen to underwrite the few costs we have as “patron” partners. If you would like to dedicate a regular monthly amount, please do so here:
http://www.venmo.com/u/expedition44 or simply @expedition44

To set up recurring payments on Venmo, follow these steps

Open the Venmo app and log in to your account.
Access the “Settings” menu and find the “Payments” or “Payment Methods” option.
Look for the “Recurring Payments” or “Automatic Payments” section and select it.
Choose the frequency and dates for the payment (monthly, weekly, or bi-weekly).
Confirm the payment amount and select “Schedule Payment”

LIMINAL SPACE AND THE WILDERNESS

Posted by expedition44 on September 21, 2024

This article is a 20-minute read. The YouTube version of the discussion is at the Bottom of the page and is an 80-minute listen.

Human beings- We are the most incredibly unique, wildly powerful and intelligent beings ever created but also make some of the most awful decisions, repeatedly, on a regular basis.

The Bible is beautifully simplistic and at the same time houses unsearchable depths of God’s wisdom and goodness.

Of course, the Bible says a lot, everything we need, but there is also quite a bit that it doesn’t simply say. We know very little of what Jesus’s life was like for the better part of three decades, however through extrabiblical material such as historical research of that period, calendars, Jewish and rabbinical practices, and harmonizing the gospel narratives, we can gather much about his life that was not said in the pages of scripture. What we do know is that as soon as Jesus walked in obedience through baptism, he was led by the spirit of God into the wilderness.

Matthew 4:1. “Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.”

The humanity of Jesus is certain, but often eludes us, most of us struggle to fast for one full day, let alone a 40 day and 40-night stint. Utter depletion was upon Jesus, and then came the tempting by ha-satan, and testing by God. What follows is three questions and three rebuttals. The result is Satan fleeing and spiritual beings ministering to Jesus. Although the Bible doesn’t say it, clearly there had been some equipping in Jesus’s life.

and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down; for it is written, ‘He will command His angels concerning You’; and ‘On their hands they will bear You up, so that You will not strike Your foot against a stone.’” Matthew 4:6 NASB

Ha-satan misquotes Psalm 91. Yet Jesus doesn’t correct him and simply notes that this is a test of YHWH and infers that to accept this challenge would be forbidden. The fault is in the demanding of Humans of God. God is not the captive genie of my three magical wishes. Jesus makes this clear yet so many Christians today pray in a way that is rival to what Jesus states here. We make demands of God.

“Throw yourself from the Temple” has several other eye raising implications. Some have a hard time asking God for anything personally as it seems to be at odds with really believing in the will of God and the way that God weaves everything to serve His purposes. Can we demand without the eyes to see such things? Do our demands circumvent His intentions? Sometimes in the Bible, such as with Moses we see God heeding the requests of man and altering what would seem to be His better will. But should we really ask God of that. Does asking God to be a way maker mean asking Him to come to our desires rather than posturing ourselves to simply come to His? Do we not throw ourselves from the Temple rather than throw ourselves on His mercy and sovereignty?

Regardless of where your theology lands, there is much going on behind the scenes of Jesus’s interaction with the challenger and it parallels a story in the Old Testament. Most of us know the story of the exile from slavery out of Egypt and through the Red Sea, but often what’s overlooked is also what the Israelites overlooked in the wilderness. We know that both the Israelites and Jesus had just come out of the water before heading into the wilderness. In the Bible, water often signifies chaos. In the beginning, when the spirit of God was hovering over the waters of the deep, the gives us a description of what life, before God interacts with it can look dark, uncontrolled, violent, and unpredictable. As God brings forth land, we first see the life breathing characteristic of the creator of the cosmos.

In the same way, a believers baptism signifies the reaction to an interaction with a life breathing God. They are lowered into the chaotic waters of life for the last time and are risen into a brand-new life.

The hope and promise of a new life are exactly what Israel stepped in to when they stepped out of the Red Sea. The final ascent up the shores on to free land for the first time began the echo of Psalm 136:12 with a mighty hand and outstretched arm; His love endures forever. Just like baptism, this step into their new life was simply the beginning. It was the beginning of a new way of doing things thus signifying the importance of being trained and equipped to withstand the seemingly impossible giants that stood in the way of the final journey to the promised land.

A voice is calling, “Clear the way for the Lord in the wilderness;
Make smooth in the desert a highway for our God. Isaiah 40:3 NASB

There is one more connection between wilderness and water. In a D32 consideration, God is at war with other fallen spiritual beings and their slave masters, eventually overthrowing them with the greatest symbol of substitutionary sacrifice being Jesus as the Passover Lamb. At first glance the “horse and the rifer thrown into the sea” it would seem that the slavemasters are completely annihilated, and the earthly force is, but it would seem that the spiritual ones connected with the gods they formerly and will continue to serve will somehow find their way back into the Israelite camp. perhaps this is partially a sign of their continual grumbling and demanding that God do what they want and insisting that it is His fault that they are in such a terrible mess. Are you starting to see the connection of the fallen spiritual beings influencing humanity to make demands of God? This isn’t simply grumbling but a severe violation of the first (and greatest) commandment.

The wilderness becomes God’s classroom in obedience and allegiant devotion to God. In many ways today it still is.

The wilderness is harsh and uncontrollable. We want to live in places where we are in control, so we build cities. That is why cities in the Bible are associated with RA not TOV. We don’t like the testing and trying of the spiritual beings in our lives, so we bulldoze the wilderness and build concrete jungles instead. Unfortunately, that becomes a sign of the RA over the TOV. Humankind actually seems to have very little control and when they think they do it is typically a sign they have been manipulated by the RA of life. We feed our self-delusional fantasy that we are self-sufficient as we are duped by the aggressors.

The wilderness is God’s sacred place, what is left of the earth as He created it. When we attempt to reconstruct it in our image, we lose a connectivity to God and His sacred space. For Israel, the wilderness gave the Word of the Lord, the light and cloud they followed, the learning of grace and mercy, and unending provisions. They learned to heal and worship. They learned to trust and seek. If you have never met God in the wild and untamed placed of His sacred devotion you are likely missing what He has always desired to give to you. Perhaps when we dwell within the city limits, we need to remember to be a wilderness witness. Or maybe we just weren’t intended to live in the concrete jungle and trying to do so could actually be rival to God’s design.

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We are in desperate need to be trained and equipped to withstand the seemingly impossible giants that may stand in the way of our journey through this life. If we move too quick, we can miss an important element of God’s character displayed in Matthew 4.

“Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.”

The word tempted is the Greek word peirazó.  to make proof of, to attempt, test, tempt, but here it is used in the negative sense, a RA sense.

James 1:2-4. My brothers and sisters^] consider it nothing but joy when you fall into all sorts of trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect effect, so that you will be perfect and complete, not deficient in anything. (NET)

Conversely, in this passage, the Greek word for trials is dokimion, meaning- a testing or what is found approved. This testing, or a process or being made complete by the testing of our faith, is very good or Tov.

Both words in this form have significantly similar meanings, however the word tempted in Matthew 4 is in the negative form, or Ra (peirazō) meaning “tempt” by means of luring. This is not a character trait of God. Later in his letter, James 1:13 states “When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone.” Although God will not tempt, he still can use the corrupt schemes of the evil forces as way to test our character. This again is a parallel to God seemingly handing Job over to the fallen spiritual beings (sons of God) for the testing of his character to be found worthy of righteousness and faithfulness to YHWH.

James uses a rare Greek verb, peirázō, meaning “to try, to test.” God does not test anyone with evil. It’s not simply a matter of testing. It’s a matter of attempting to persuade someone to do something evil (and, of course, God is the one who determines what is good and what is evil).

How often they rebelled against Him in the wilderness and grieved Him in the desert! Again and again they tempted God, and pained the Holy One of Israel. Psalm 78:40-41 NASB

Asaph uses the Hebrew verb nāsâ, which means “to put to the test, to try, to prove, to assay.” In other words, they didn’t ask God to do something wicked. They simply acted as if He weren’t God. God doesn’t test us with evil, but we often attempt to test Him, and in so doing, we engage in evil as a means of assaying Him. We disconnect while He attempts to reconnect. This is the exact opposite of what our design and destiny is.

When Israel came out of a 400 plus year stay in RA-Egypt, this nation of people needed to be taught how to do things the way of God’s kingdom. Had the Levitical law been lived out according to its intention, this nation of people would have had such profound impact, other nations would have not helped but take notice and be drawn in to such a beautiful culture. They would have renewed the earth. They were meant to grow grapes as big as their heads that their world would have travelled great distances to partake in. This is the lost “analogy” of what it meant to bear fruit. To have fruit that the entire world sought after and desired. And what could be better than that? Well a fruit that was naturally given and produced by God, it didn’t require any toil. This is the mosaic of what a gift from God was intended to be in our lives… the epitome of what it meant to bear fruit in His kingdom. We were the possessors and recipients of a bountiful harvest that required little if anything from us with enormous blessings.

A contranym is when one word can have two different meanings. Although today we don’t use the word kingdom in our everyday language, we often operate under the ruling of many kingdoms. Our nation is often viewed as a kingdom, if not the strongest kingdom of all kingdoms in the eyes of many. We tend to create our own mini kingdoms either by our nationalities, our blood lines, or even our homesteads. The time we spend investing in these areas can certainly look like worship or idolatry, but what trips us up is our tendency to build vertically (like a city). God has a kingdom which cannot be shaken regardless of our efforts to rebel against it or the attempts of the dark evil forces to lure us away from him. The way God’s kingdom operates is contrary to the ways of the world. God’s kingdom is horizontal, signifying the gift and purpose of diversity amongst all the people. No one person is better or higher in stature, but all created equal although incredibly different. There is but one king amongst a sea of brethren. God’s kingdom is built solely on the foundation of love that never ceases to bring forth life. To this day, our universe is constantly expanding. New stars are being born and galaxies discovered. If we can see through the mess of our daily lives, we can also see new life being formed each day around us. God never stops producing and expanding. This is what you and I were made to do. This is our purpose as the church. We were created by THE life source, the author and perfector of life, the well that never runs dry, but God is also aware of the effect that the kingdoms of this world can have on our nephesh. Although we don’t use the word nephesh in our daily language, contextually here it is important. Although Hebraically nephesh is defined as our soul, we often think of our soul as a separate part of the entire whole of who we are. Our nephesh is every part of who we are down to the deepest part of our composition. Our nephesh is all encompassing and when we bow down to kingdoms of this world, or in the case of the Israelites who had been under to rule of a tyrannical system for over 400 years, it takes reconstruction upon one’s nephesh to learn once again or for the first time the SOP or standard operating practices of God’s kingdom.

According to scripture, the wilderness can often produce the greatest bounty of fruit within our lives. As the kingdom of world tells us to gather from around us to store up treasures in our barns, Jesus continues to teach and to guide us to the truth that true life can only be generated from the inside out. He uses examples of that of a mustard seed. He gave them another parable:

“The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed that a man took and sowed in his field. It is the smallest of all the seeds, but when it has grown it is the greatest garden plant and becomes a tree, so that the wild birds^] come and nest in its branches.” Matthew 13:31-33

The wilderness is what’s considered a liminal space. Liminal is translated as threshold as in the threshold of a doorway. It’s a space that is not quite outside yet not fully inside either. It’s a transition point. It’s the place where we know we are not where we used to be, but we are not yet where we are intended to go. Our tendency is to view these times in life in a negative context, however in God’s kingdom, what can only be produced through tastings in the wilderness has the potential to produce the highest dividend in our lives, yet we see it through a negative lens and put our best foot forward to get out of the spaces and seasons of life as quickly as possible. Many of us are praying for breakthrough in areas of our lives, but at the same time we are not willing to allow God to teach us what the breakthrough may look like and how to get there. These liminal spaces will force us quickly to realize how much control we still desire of our own lives and see clearly the personal kingdom we’ve created.

We know there’s much about Jesus’s life that we are unaware of, but what we do know is that directly out of baptism he was led by the spirit of God into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. At the end of this wilderness season, immediately angels came to minister to him. Matthew 4:11. This opens up the door profound displays of the goodness of God’s kingdom displayed through the life of Jesus. In fact, John said this

“Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.” Yet, God has an even bigger plan for the whole of humanity operating through the Kingdom of God. Jesus is recorded saying this in John 14:12. “Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.”

The only pathway for us to experience this type of life, a land truly flowing with milk and honey from the core of who we are, is to be built up, equipped and empowered by God in liminal spaces. The world calls the wilderness Ra. The Israelites did too. They had everything they needed to survive and were on a journey to thrive, but still found themselves not just complaining, but being so caught up in only what they knew that they didn’t have the faith to trust God with what they don’t know.

 “That night all the members of the community raised their voices and wept aloud. All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, “If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this wilderness! Why is the Lord bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword? Our wives and children will be taken as plunder. Wouldn’t it be better for us to go back to Egypt?” 

Richard Rohr calls “liminal space”—a particular spiritual position where human beings hate to be, but where the biblical God is always leading them. Many of the greatest stories are messages of stepping positiviely out of liminal space. Abraham, Joseph, David, Jonah, Ruth, Mary and so many others.

Let us not be so quick to judge the lack of faith and the desire to control of that of the Israelites. This is us, too. We have bought in to the lie that these wilderness seasons of life, surrendered to God, cannot produce far greater than what we could ask or imagine. We are all too familiar with liminal spaces. We can be in multiple wilderness seasons at the same time, or around the corner from another one. Eschatologically, we are in a liminal space. Jesus has defeated the forces of darkness and provided for us a pathway to exceptional life, but we are still waiting his return, and a culmination of all things made right. The question becomes whether we as the bride of Christ are willing to receive from this wilderness season the chiseling, purifying, and equipping that is necessary to present ourselves as a spotless bride.

“so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” Ephesians 5:27.

Maybe today, we don’t necessarily seek to create wilderness seasons or find the liminal spaces, but in humility we can begin to see the power within them. Most of us are somewhat lofty in our thinking, even if we think poorly of ourselves. We still allow the Ra to have more say over our lives and the lives of others than the Tov that God has for us. Exquisite goodness was on the other side of this forming season for the Israelites, yet they threw it all away for the slavery that was familiar to them.

We are designed in the image of God and thus we are designed to bring forth life in everything that we do, yet if we are not allowing God to do the work beginning on the inside of our minds and hearts, lasting fruit cannot be produced.

 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes^[^a^] so that it will be even more fruitful.

You are designed to bring forth fruit and bring it abundantly. Be the one today who considers it pure joy when you face a trial of many kinds, believing that the testing, the equipping, the chiseling, the forming by the hand of God, can produce a steadfastness within us that leads to complete wholeness and maturity, unshakable by the feeble attempts of a broken world.

Written by Dr. Will Ryan with Special Guest Paul Lazzaroni

watch/listen to the video version of this article

Covenant Relationship

Posted by expedition44 on June 9, 2024

Marriage is a covenant relationship instituted by the Lord. The term covenant in Hebrew (berith) has a literal meaning of ‘a cut where blood flows’ and is used to accurately portray the strongest of all possible relationship structures we could divinely engage in. This word and concept is one of the largest hermeneutics in scripture and is a necessary component for true revelation of the scriptures, the nature of God, and our new life in Christ Jesus and the basis for all relationships.

Written by Dr. Steve Cassell and edited by Dr. Will Ryan

When I was younger I was entangled with the ‘thug’ or ‘gang’ life because, well, I was stupid. I can almost hear the diverse reactions to that revelation among the readership… from guffaws, to eye-rolls, and possibly a few raised eyebrows of shock. Nevertheless, it is an accurate historical reality. The main compelling factor propelling me in that direction was the deep longing of my heart for a real, committed relationship. One of the first things I learned about gang life was the mantra, “Blood in, blood out”. This just simply meant that you were required to shed blood (your own in a self-sacrificial activity like gang-banging in another gang’s territory that would likely get you thrashed or even killed) or the shedding of innocent blood in an armed robbery or potentially a murder. There was no way into the gang without bloodshed. Once you were in, there was no way out without bloodshed. This mostly meant that you were going to die if you ever wanted out, but in some instances, the exiting member would be ‘allowed’ to go through a gauntlet-style beating that would usually hospitalize them and complicate their health for the remainder of their life. I know it sounds barbaric, but I was desperate for authentic relationships. Ultimately (by the enormous grace of God) I chose a different path which mostly had to do with a God-sent gift sashaying into my cosmos by the name of Kay… who is now my covenant bride. We are most definitely committed unto the blood of self-sacrifice to one another without hesitation or consideration.

Suppose you, our reader, are married or intend to enter into the sacred and divine institution of a marriage covenant at some point in the future. In that case, these words must have a powerful resonation in your soul (nephesh, psyche). I have been doing full or part-time ministry for almost thirty years and the degradation of the covenantal aspect of marriage has been nearly destroyed by our ever-darkening world and the decay of basic humanity as we are propagandized into some animalistic attitudes towards relationships and society.

When a couple is joined in Holy Matrimony the vow is something akin to:

“I swear to honor and love you;

In riches and in poverty,

In sickness and in health,

For the better or the worse,

Until death do we part,

So help me God.”

Those are not just words… they are a covenant vow unto another person sworn in the presence of and under the submission to our Great God. In actuality, in antiquity, this was a “blood in, blood out” solemn oath giving God (and the gathered witnesses) the right to punish, even unto the shedding of blood, either participant if they violate that covenant vow. God’s perfect intention in marriage was ‘blood in’ (the blood of the hymen on the wedding night) and ‘blood out’ which was the ‘until death do we part’ provision.

The first thing we, as the image-bearers of God to a broken mirror of the world, need to embrace is doing our marriages the way God says, not the way culture or our fickle emotions scream. If that is a place you dare to transverse with Doc Ryan and I, then I double-dog-dare you to read on…

Glad you are here this far!

Since you have determined to do the hard thing and stay in this message to this point, firstly I want to applaud you for being willing to be a hero (heroes do hard things) and also warn you that you will be shunned as a rarity in our modern world. But consider that God loves to use heroes and rare people to do great things.

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“You shall fear the LORD your God; you shall serve Him and cling to Him, and you shall swear by His name.” Deuteronomy 10:20

Throughout the Bible God uses the relationship of Marriage to give us an earthly or physical example of our relationship to God and others. You don’t have to be married to glean from this discussion. God positions himself as the forever faith pursuer, the lover that will never leave us despite our shortcomings and continual failure and perhaps even unfaithfulness. Love, compassion, grace, mercy, and forgiveness are just a snapshot of this unending example to us. The Hebrew verb for cling is davaq and is the word used for glue. The implication is longevity, reliability, and consistency in faithful commitment.

What’s important is this: a husband is to cling to his wife in the same way that we are to cling to God. There are several other verses in the Bible that portray the same analogy. In each one, God is represented by the woman, not the man; the scriptures seem to imply a reciprocal role of equality that compliments the relationship by each person’s gifts. A reciprocal circle of grace accepted and freely returned.

The example of covenant relationship is not only exhibited or modeled in the biblical marriage through scripture, but then serves in many ways as an archetype of our relationship with God and between others merging the gap between heaven and earth. We see a glimmer or foreshadow of what all relationships will be in an eschatological sense in a recreated heaven and earth to come. A return to Eden. – Will Ryan Th.D.

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Every relationship is regularly challenged by conflict. There is an undeniable truth to this statement: “Familiarity breeds contempt”. It is true in many Christians relating to their relationship with God and also true in human relationships. The time of Jesus’ life and ministry was regularly hindered by the masses of people who could not reconcile the idea of Jesus being all human and all God at the same time. The majority of people in His time rejected Him because they justified their devaluation of Him based upon His humanity.

John 8:48-53 ESV

The Jews answered him, “Are we not right in saying that you are a Samaritan and have a demon?” Jesus answered, “I do not have a demon, but I honor my Father, and you dishonor me. Yet I do not seek my own glory; there is One who seeks it, and he is the judge. Truly, truly, I say to you, if anyone keeps my word, he will never see death.” The Jews said to him, “Now we know that you have a demon! Abraham died, as did the prophets, yet you say, ‘If anyone keeps my word, he will never taste death.’ Are you greater than our father Abraham, who died? And the prophets died! Who do you make yourself out to be?”

Due to the conflict these religious hypocrites could not reconcile they all missed out on the greatest blessing, the greatest gift, and the greatest possible salvation that would give them the greatest life ever. Conflict steals away the blessings of God from one’s life. As people of the Kingdom of our God, we need to walk out a better way of dealing with ‘conflict and resolve’.

Luke 17:1 NKJV

Then He said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come!

Knowing it is impossible to do life without having conflict, we should be desirous to navigate this territory supernaturally. To begin that process we first need to answer the question: “Where do conflicts come from?”

In my attempt at brevity, I am going to only give you the ‘big two’.

Pride (me first, my wants, my ways, my control)
Lack of Understanding (comprehension of your covenant partner)

Let us take up arms against the first evil monster hungry to devour us as its prey… Pride.

Pride has two main expressions. The first we are all mostly familiar with is the overt me-istic, I-centric expression that displays itself in self-aggrandizing, self-focused, self-concerned, self-serving, and narcissistic type attitudes that usually turn our guts when we are confronted with it. Sadly, our culture today has turned pride into an object of worship (by abominable parades and a month-long holiday celebrating perversity). But the scriptures and the life of Christ make it uber clear that pride is an evil foe of everything good and right.

James 4:5-10 ESV

Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”

These statements are echoed by Peter (1 Peter 5:5-7) and quoted from the wisdom of Proverbs (3:34). The stories of narcissistic pride destroying people in the scriptures are on nearly every page from the fall of the divine couple, Adam and Eve looking for their own way into the life of God, to the fall of the divine being ‘Lucifer’ into the wretched Satan as the arch-enemy of God and man, to the mind-numbing ignorance of David’s adulterous murder account of self-gratification resulting in a dead baby and a civil war, to the sadness of Judas selling Jesus for a pittance of silver coins.

A lesser-known expression of pride has the same dangers but is a bit more subtle. This is the prideful attitude of self-debasing words, actions, or identity. A person who operates in insecurity, low self-imaging, fearful social interactions, sheepish or shy behaviors, and isolation as an introvert is equally operating in pride. There are just at the other end of the spectrum. I illustrate it this way:

PR-I-DE.

Anything that has “I” in the center is pride. Whether it takes the form of PR-omoting the “I” or in the DE-basing of “I”… both are “I” in the center. Covenant is a commitment to lay down your “I” for another as Christ exemplified. The definitive aspect of what separates covenant from contractural- or performance-based relationships is the self-sacrificial commitment. In a secular performance-based contract of marriage, the normal interaction will be, “You do this for me and I will do that for you”. That is basically a business transaction where we are ‘purchasing’ the affection or performance of our spouse. The Bible has a word for this type of faux marriage: concubine.

Proverbs 13:10a KJV

Only by pride cometh contention

Only… that is a big word. The cause of any and all contention is pride. Yikes!

When I counsel marriages in this the most normal response is, “No way!” Most folks do not think the contention in their marriage is their fault… it has to be that OTHER person. The scriptures argue that it takes two to tango, and it would behoove us to agree with the scriptures.

James 3:16 Aramaic Bible in Plain English

For where there is envy and contention there is also chaos and every evil thing.

I often refer to this as the ‘other’ 3:16 verse that is WAY less memorized. John 3:16 makes us have warm fuzzies, James 3:16 makes us angry… Jesus said the truth will make you free (John 8:32) but in my experience, before the truth liberates you it tends to make you REALLY mad. Pride is the ONLY root of ALL contention. Where there is contention there is chaos and EVERY evil thing. (Think about that for a second… EVERY evil thing… like sickness, abuse, poverty, anger, oppression, depression, sin…) Does that statement illustrate any of the areas of your marriage?

The second cause of conflict in our covenant relationships is a lack of understanding. You do not know what you do not know. When we do not understand, the natural human response is to assume, analyze, or project our own opinions into the circumstances or motives. “I know why you did that! It is because you think I am stupid!” “No… no, I do not think you are stupid… I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

One of the most precarious places we can attempt to transverse is thinking we know another person’s motives. Kay and I have established a ‘rule’ that we are not allowed to assume one another’s emotions, intentions, or motives. It has actually affected the overall culture of Beloved Church because we have adopted the statement, “That person is blankety-blank at me right now.” What we mean by that is we recognize that something is going on in their heart but we will not speculate in arrogance as to what it is exactly. It requires communication, honesty, courage to be transparent, and a relational commitment to sincerely listen to one another.

But spiritual and covenantal ‘understanding’ is much larger than just a psychologically invented, and sociologically driven ‘model’ of interpersonal communication tactics. That is worldly, and frankly, arrogant as well.

Proverbs 11:2 BSB

When pride comes, disgrace follows, but with humility comes wisdom.

The divine weapon against pride is humility. Humility is the most virtuous character that is the most shunned and avoided in all of Christianity. The more humble we engage in relationships with one another the more fruitful, intimate, and unified they will ultimately be. Humility is a necessary component to spiritually based relationships, as in marriage covenants, because without humility true communication cannot exist.

1 Corinthians 2:11 BSB
For who among men knows the thoughts of man except his own spirit within him? So too, no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.

If you look closely at that text you will see an eternal principle being expressed: it is only by the Spirit that any one of us can understand the heart. That means our own heart as well as the heart of our covenant spouse. Humility is required to embrace a principle like that because human wisdom and psychological analysis will defiantly argue that our cognitive functions are primitive chemical processes as a derivative of whatever emotion or disposition we randomly are being controlled by. No, Beloved reader. We were created much more complex than science has the capacity to embrace. ONLY by the Spirit of God can we rightly and effectively navigate the deep waters of each other’s souls.

Proverbs 20:5 BSB

The intentions of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.

When the Bible declares that something is deep, you can bet your bottom dollar it is DEEP. Notice though, that the way to draw that sweet cool water that is in that deep well out is through the ‘bucket’ of understanding. There is much strength and determined effort involved with lowering a bucket on a rope into a deep well and then, hand-over-hand, lifting that heavy bucket back up for the reward of a refreshing drink. The Spirit of God is Who gives us the ability (grace) to ‘understand’ each other in an accurate way. This should convince us of the great importance of knowing each other through the Spirit and not only by the flesh (or psychologically analyzed personalities).

2 Corinthians 5:16

So from now on we regard no one according to the flesh. Although we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer.

Our regard for one another needs to be of a spiritual valuation, not a carnal or natural one. This is only possible by intimacy with the Spirit where we are humbly submitted to allowing God to help us ‘understand’ our mate. This imperative to comprehend our spouse goes much further than just having a happy marriage.

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

The commitment to live with one another without contention, in humility, and submitted to the intimacy that can only come through the Spirit is necessary for our overall spiritual/soulical health beyond just our marital well-being. This verse says plainly that your prayer life will be hindered if this is not engaged in properly. You can search the scriptures and you will not find another place that declares a more direct reason for hindered prayers. That should impress upon us the needful resolve to guard our marriages voraciously, in these ways.

Doc Ryan and I are deeply invested in the covenantal realm for the body of Christ, especially in the arena of the marriage covenant. This is why we have penned this teaching together and sacrificed our time and energy to sow into your lives. We pray that your life is impacted and blessed by these words are truths to the degree that they inspire true repentance and change in whatever places your Good Father and your covenant community is shepherding you into.

In Great Love,

Dr Steve and Dr. Ryan